Nate Logan

Advice to the Graduate

  1. Once you go Big Gulp you can never go back.
  2. Reintroduce your currency to the girlfriend’s purse it crawled from.
  3. The things that you do will always make your mama cry.
  4. Your beloved’s name tattooed on your wrist is a curse.
  5. Your beloved’s named tattooed on your shoulder is a curse.
  6. Your beloved’s name tattooed over your heart is a curse.
  7. Most of your friends end up in California. A quarter of them catch up with their rock n’ roll dreams. Another quarter of them take yoga to a whole new level; they could never really get behind relaxation in Texas. The remaining lot develop an interest in the forestry service and want, no, need, to make a pilgrimage to all those old trees.
  8. In a battle of toughness, step on a crack in the sidewalk. You break your mother’s back. Leave the Freudian implications for your psychology major friends.
  9. That last one was a joke.
  10. Future ex-lovers include at least one country western song on mixtapes for you, but it’s not always by Dolly Parton.
  11. Dolly was the name of the cloned sheep because the original cell was from a mammary gland.
  12. That last one is true and sexist. It might help you win a trivia game someday.
  13. Manifest Destiny isn’t just a saying tucked inside a dusty history book. At night your heart will beat fastest when you face the direction your brain wants to go.
  14. Your pair of Chucks will not get out of Missoula alive.
  15. Slow dance with your lover on a hardwood floor.
  16. A sweater will come in handy when you least expect to weep.
  17. There’s still a way to your heart and pizza might be the highway to it.
  18. There’s still a way to your heart and pizza and beer might be the highway to it.
  19. There’s a way to her heart and pizza and beer might not be the highway to it.
  20. The soundtrack to Texas is in the bottom of a pocket, a pocket with a coin or two, some lint, and a movie stub from a film you don’t remember seeing.
  21. You can always go to Ireland tomorrow.
  22. No, you can’t.

 

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